Or maybe I just read way too into it. I can do that from time to time. Or all the time.
Every now and then I am blown away with the things that come out of my kids' mouths. And no, it isn't always them repeating the bad stuff we say...just sometimes ;).
I really feel at times that my kids know something I don't when they speak about certain things. Like their innocence has them connected to the universe in a way that I can't even begin to understand.
Case and point: Meadow has a friend that is quiet around adults. I think she is a genius- very cautious of the world around her. The other day Meadow was talking about how much she loves Hello Kitty, and that Hello Kitty was her favoritest ever. I asked her why she liked Hello Kitty so much. And she simply answered: because sometimes she doesn't talk, and sometimes my friend Sophia doesn't talk. I don't know why, but this spoke volumes to me. While the rest of the adult world might be trying to understand why her friend chooses not to talk to certain adults, I feel that Meadow understands her in a way we never could.
Tonight I had a late conference call, and when it was finished I went into my room to see both girls snuggled up in my bed. I hopped in between them to snuggle up. It was a fun warm moment, the kind I forget about when I am caught up in the craziness of everyday life. I told them that I would love them forever and ever. I asked if they would love me forever and ever too. Emma screamed YESSSSSS!!!! And Meadow replied, yes mommy, even when you are gone.
Oh my gosh. What did that mean, even when I am gone? Are we going to have to talk about how Jackie Boy and Great Grandma are in heaven? And what it means to have mommy go there too? Why is she already picturing me gone? What a sad thought for a 4 year old. I immediately felt sad and overwhelmed, and worried about how I was going to explain this one without causing permanent damage. (And let's be honest, I am going to cause enough damage on my own without adding in these serious conversations.)
I asked what she meant. And if she meant when she was older? Or if it was like how Mena (my mom) lives far away? She said no. And then silence.
Oh man I am really in trouble. How do I explain this?
I asked if she meant when she was older and had her own babies. And she said, "well yes that too mommy. But I meant, like, in the morning when you leave for Body Back, and to go to work sometimes, I still love you then."
And there it was. As simple as can be. It wasn't complicated; it didn't mean anything so serious. It was how it felt, in the mind of a 4 year old. It reminded me that things don't really have to be all that complicated. Maybe if we stop overthinking every little issue, the world would become so much clearer right in front of our faces.
Thanks Meadow. With every little statement, your mommy becomes that much wiser. But just so you know, I'm going to stop telling you that in about 10 years. I can't let you know you have that kind of power when you are a teenager. ;)