Monday, May 9, 2011

If a tree falls in the forest...

My Sunday run was nothing less than spectacular. The best way to start my Mother's Day. Everything about it spoke to me, encouraged me, made me proud, energized me, pushed me, and gave me peace. Since my last long run, I had a lot go on, and it felt good to get back out there and prove that it wasn't all lost. To find the piece of me that stayed out there on the road, just waiting for me to come back and pick it up.

To sum up my last week for you, I had what I would now call an 'episode' where I felt light headed and dizzy, almost like I was floating out of my body, for 4 days straight. I couldn't get grounded, I couldn't find my balance, and I was completely exhausted. Now I can be extremely lazy when I want to...but normally I am bouncing off the walls doing a million things at once. For these 4 days it was all I could do to keep from falling asleep mid sentence. It scared me, I was worried something could really be wrong. I even went to the Dr., which I never do. Everything came back fine, and after a few days I am back to normal. I am just reminding myself every now and again to breath and that seems to be working.

So, the point of adding that in, was the Dr. told me not to run for a week. So I was a little nervous getting back out there for a long one, and in new shoes too. Yes, I know all of my hard core running friends are gasping at what a huge mistake that is...but they are the same shoes and there was NO WAY my old ones could make it another 2 miles, let alone 22!

I was actually really prepared for this run, everything set out, snacks planned, new play list made, etc. And I even got in bed at 7:30 when my kids went to bed. Becky would be at my door at 4:15am, and the night before I didn't get as much sleep as I would've liked so I was serious about getting some zzzz's.

Becky and I ran from my house, which we wondered why we didn't do this every run. So easy, no stress about leaving anything, and I can't be late if I am already here!! We were excited to have a new segment added to our route to break it up even more.

We headed out in the silence and the dark and started chatting away. We had a lot to say, maybe because it had been 2 weeks since our last run, and when I am sick she teaches for me so we don't get to catch up during the week as usual. We got to the beach and headed north, noticing that the runners we usually see were absent. Maybe because it was still early, or maybe because the men were fulfilling there wife's one Mother's Day wish...to get to sleep in!!! We started going over everything happening in the life of Becky's newly teenage daughter (which scares me to death to think of my girls hitting that age), I am glad I have her experience to help me out when we get there. Add in a few stories about our husbands, and I look at my watch only to realize we are at mile 10. Wait, what? 10 miles flew by without us even noticing??? Seriously, we are for sure real runners!

We flip at mile 11, and on the way back even tackle the hill we don't have to. Becky was clearly on fire and I was following her lead. With every run her confidence grows and it is so nice to feed off of it and coast along.

At mile 15 is where my runner's high kicks in, and I feel like there should be a mandatory dance break at every race at mile 15. My arms start flailing, my hips start moving, and I break out into whatever song is on my iPod. Becky loves this part of the run...probably because I have the sweetest voice ever.

We run on, having fun, being serious at times, and cheering each other on, and then we get a real treat. Along came some other Moms on the Run Running Club members heading past us, and cheering like crazy! We got hi-fives and whistles, and maybe a few butt smacks. It was great to see them and we got an extra little push! Amy even ran with us for a mile or two before heading back to meet up with the pack again.

As we kept going I was overwhelmed with inspiration. Becky has the amazing ability to look flawless when she runs. Her skin glows, she is calm and in rhythm, and she makes sweating look good. I started to think about the moment in the marathon when we will split apart, how we will say good-bye, and I start to get choked up. Yes, it's sappy...get over it!!! Then I start to picture the emotion she will have crossing the finish line, and the emotion I will have when I see her...and tears start to form. Just then she shares that she is remembering when we first started to train for a 5K, and she was tired after running for only 5 minutes. Oh how far we have come...how far she has come.

Also, I am inspired by our awesome friends that competed in the Gladiator Run the day before. I got caught up in the amazing circle of friends I have and how nice it is to be surrounded by all the positive energy! Not to mention the fact that they know how to have a good time!!!

Heading home down Magnolia is a bit of a pain, since you have to stop at the lights. But it didn't hurt as bad as I was figuring. As we inched closer to my neighborhood, I looked down at my Garmin as we were about to reach the light and noticed I forgot to start it again after the last light. I curse myself, and apologize to Becky. She says we are fine, we know where to stop to hit 22. But somehow, that wasn't good enough for me.

See, Becky and I have had a few runs that fell short. A few runs that were just under the mark, and I couldn't let that happen again. I knew it was about a half mile that we were missing, so I dropped Becky off in my neighborhood when the Garmin said 21.5, and I continued to run around the block to get us to 22. For some reason I needed that validation for us, to have proof that we actually did it. Even though we would both know it...I needed more.

It wasn't until a few hours after the run, and a chat with my mom where she called me 'a bit obsessive' (in a very sweet way) that I began to question myself. Why did I need that number on the watch? Why wasn't it enough to just know how far I went without the additional proof? It was impossible not to take this realization into my entire life and analyze it.

Why is it that I need validation for something that simple? For everything really. I feel confident in my abilities, I feel strong as a woman, yet I need to share with every one my accomplishments. Even my short comings for that matter. Do we all do that? When do we get to the point in our lives where what we think is the only opinion that matters? Does that ever even happen? Even now I am waiting to read this post to my husband before I put it out there.

We all need an extra push, we can never really do it all on our own. So, if it means that I have to throw it out there, to let people know that a tree fell, every now and again for an added boost to validate how I feel...so be it. I do know deep down what I am worth, it just feels good to hear someone else agree with me every now and again. :)

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